We Need Change.

Just like other successful organizations, professional sports leagues seek perfection, even if they understand that its not attainable. This means making major changes and tackling problems like steroids--and all other illegal supplements--the Tim Donaghy refereeing scandal, a college football playoff, a fair overtime system in the NFL, restoring interest in the NHL, and finding the proper system to get kids in and out of college, among other things. However, like you, I am tired of hearing these same stories and reading about the same solution to these problems that won't ever happen. Instead, I am going to bring up some other issues that call for change. So here you go, my good friends. Here is a lighthearted call for change on issues that don't get the attention they deserve.

Storming the court/field is a college student's rite of passage. Policy's preventing a student from rejoicing in a major victory or a major upset is like giving a young kid a birthday cake without candles.  As a matter of fact, I am an avid University of North Carolina fan because of court storming. At the tender age of seven,  I snuck out of bed at 9:30 P.M. to turn on ESPN2 just in time to see Antawn Jamison hit a 45-foot shot to defeat Wake Forest. With my South African parents alumni of Witswatersraand, my American college allegiance was up for debate. However, after seeing the Dean Smith Center Court flooded with baby blue, I was sold.

I challenge you to watch an NBA game and count the number of remedial rules broken by our "elite." Enforce the rules! It's like how college's turn a blind eye to underrage drinking that takes place on campus. As long as the fraternities are "checking ID's," it's okay, right? I'm tired of seeing a player ten steps beyond the baseline before inbounding the basketball. I'm tired of watching a player "dribble" a ball like he was spinning a pizza--oh, wait...isn't that called carrying? 

Speaking of rules, let's make some in regards to mouthpieces. First off, if you are going to wear a mouthpiece in a sport like basketball, in which such equipment is not required, keep the bloody thing in your mouth during the game! I know they aren't incredibly comfortable, but I don't want to see someone playing with their mouthpiece while dribbling the ball up the court! Second, no more of these bi-colored mouthpieces that, when the mouth if cracked open, make it seem as if the player has dental problems. I don't want to be 70 years old, no longer able to efficiently decipher visual illusions, thinking that the NBA's new sensation has the same dental issues that I do because that's really discomforting.

On the topic of dental issues, I have a grievance with hockey. I grew up with the greatness of the Mighty Ducks movie series and one of my favorite scenes was watching Charlie Conway beat the Hawks with a shootout goal. With the implementation of a shootout, the

 NHL has almost allowed for complete replication of this legendary scene. What's missing? Rather, what's not missing? Helmets! Honestly, part of what made that scene was watching Charlie's free-flowing locks bounce up and down as he executed the triple deke! How about watching Mike Modano's golden hair wave in the wind as he goes mono-e-mono with a helpless goalie? But we, a sovereign nation of fans, can't expect the NHL to do this on their own because as the great Will Smith said in Hitch, "You go 90, I go 10." NHL fans, it is up to us to go the final ten! How? Facebook peitition!

Speaking of hockey, it's time to talk jersey etiquette. What is up with Reebok monopolozing hockey jerseys? Ew. Are you telling me you like the new Dallas Stars jersey better than the old? I am not for any company monopoloizing jersey production, but if you are going to get a company, why Reebok? Why not Nike? Under Armour? Addidas? Also, I officially despise hockey's transition to the home team wearing dark and not white. And I couldn't stand watching Cleveland break out their throwback yellow's at home, forcing the Knicks to where their home--I mean, road--whites. Not that I didn't like the Cavs' throwbacks, but we have color TV's now, people! Why can't the Cavs wear Yellow and the Knicks wear blue?

I do love the entertainment value of microphones on players. As a matter of fact, my complaint is that we need an increase in utilization! The non-mic'd up blunders that occur when a player gets too close to an audio grabber and curses on TV are always great (like when LenDale White, after a big run on Thanksgiving turned to a Lions defender and shouted, 'Yeah. I'm a quick-ass motherf****r') and so is the camera shot of a coach or player clearly mouthing a bad word, but nothing is better than what you get from the mic'd up feature. Even if they are clean, hearing players interact is great. How awesome is this Georges Laraque fight, for instance? How about this? Case in point. More mic'd up...

...And less Lou Holtz. It's okay that he never picks Notre Dame to lose because he is probably senile enough to convince himself that Notre Dame actually hasn't lost a single game since Charlie Weiss took over. I don't understand half of the things "Dr. Lou" says. And forget grasping the meaning part, I literally just don't understand him. As a matter of fact, I feel like the saliva that rings in his mouth as he speaks, clogging up his actual words, is protruding through the screen and hitting me in the face every time I watch him talk. It's gotten to the point where it isn't even funny.

Nor is the constant grunting of female tennis players funny anymore. I'll admit, when Maria Sharapova moans after hitting a ball, it turns me on big time. My tolerance for anyone else making a peep after hitting the ball is little to none, especially those whose grunts are deeper than Morgan Freeman's narration voice. I could hear him for ages.

Ages...hmm, sounds like the best way to describe Sergio Garcia's pre-shot preparation. Don't get me wrong, I root for the Spaniard to finally win a major, too, but I feel like golf should institute a new rule, which, in name, is only fitting if it is long-winded. Alas, the Sergio Garcia Rule of Practice As Inspired By the Recurring Disciplines of Allen Iverson. What does it state? Plain and simple. A player's pre-shot routine can't last longer than Allen Iverson's famous rant about practice.

The 1st Annual Boogie Bowl Awards

Offensive MVP--Jacquizz Rodgers, Oregon State University

Forget that he leads the Pac-10 in rushing yards (945) and rushing yards per game (118.1), Rodgers also leads all Pac-10 running backs in receptions (24) and receiving yards (231). Its this versatility that forces defenses to keep constant watch on the true freshman, whose size (5'6", 180) doesn't make matters any easier. While his consistent play--seven straight games of 90-plus yards, including five that have eclipsed the century mark--puts the Texas native into contention for this honor, Rodgers' prime-time performance  (37 carries, 186 yards, 2 touchdowns), in which he carried the Beavers over then #1 USC that helped engrave his name

 on the illustrio

us plaque.

Defensive MVP--Kevin Ellison, University of Souther California

Statistically speaking, there are many others who might deserve this honor over Ellison, but, then again, that's why the game isn't played--nor can it be judged--on paper. Though he doesn't rank in the top five of any major defensive category, Ellison's immeasurable impact on the field has always been, well...immeasurable. The heart and soul of the best scoring defense in the country (USC is allowing only 8.1 points per game), Ellison is the type of player who presence alone makes everyone around him a better player. A ballhawk of a strong safety, the Redondo Union alumnus isn't the

 most talented player on the Cardinal and Gold defensive unit, but he certainly is the one player they can ill-afford to lose.

Outstanding Performer--Mark Sanchez, University of Southern California

While not the MVP, Sanchez is definitely the conference's best individual player. The Heisman contender leads the Pac-10 in virtually every major passing category. While yards and touchdowns might generate the most attention, don't overlook the scarce number of sacks (8) taken by the Trojan signal-caller, a testament to his mobility and penchant for buying more time for his receivers to get open.

Coach--Mike Riley, Oregon State University

The Beavers haven't particularly come out of nowhere. As a matter of fact, they have been the conference's second most successful team during Pac-10 play over the last four years. However, Riley gets the nod for putting his brain before his pride by not only playing a true freshman--something he rarely does--in Jacquizz Rodgers, but giving him a senior's worth of responsibility, realizing the talent in the innaugural recipient of the Boogie Bowl MVP Award. Additionally, Riley has adapted to his personnel by instituting a more unconventional play book that includes Jet Sweeps and various wide receiver and running backs screens, taking advantage for his assortment of offensive weapons and overall speed in skill positions. And if you don't agree with me, listen to Dennis Erickson.

Disappointment--Dwight Tardy, Washington State University

A two-year starter looking to take huge strides in his 2008 junior campaign, Tardy has, instead, easily been the worst of all starting running backs in the conference. While his statistical lows may very well be a product of his teams' heinous play, one would expect an experienced and talented back like Tardy to at least cushion the Cougars' fall from grace, instead of adding to their misery. Also, averaging less than four yards per carry doesn't get him out of the doghouse and, while he is there, he might want to try rediscover the pay dirt, a place he's found only once in the seven contests.

Newcomer--Damian Williams, University of Southern California

The Arkansas transfer has made an immediate impact on the conference. After posting five touchdowns in the team's first five games, Williams' three-game absence from the end zone is arguably a product of his own team's dominance, as winning those games by a combined score of 142-10 has undoubtedly caused the Trojans to abandon the pass in the game's early stages. However, his consistency has helped solidify a unit that grossly underachieved last year, and his presence has helped the development of Ronald Johnson, whose five touchdowns and 19.0 yards per reception illustrate his transformation into a reliable deep threat, and has ignited the powers of Patrick Turner, whose 2008 campaign, which includes seven touchdowns, is more along the lines of what's been expected of him in the past.

Most Valuable Player...That's Not On The Field--Jake Locker, University of Washington

The most common theme in the Pac-10 this year? Injured quarterbacks. Washington State, UCLA, and Oregon have all lost multiple would-be starting quarterbacks to injury, most of them of the season-ending variety, while Arizona State's signal caller is battling more injuries than he can count on two hands. However, put together the talents of these fallen doves and they fail to match that of the grandest dove of them all: Jake Locker. Is that because the collection of Pac-10 quarterbacks is as weak as the collection of Big-12 quarterbacks are strong, or is Jake Locker just that good? Probably a little bit of both. The sophomore, who was gaining national recognition, was due for a breakout season and expected to carry the Huskies before going down with a broken right thumb suffered during the team's fourth game of the year versus Stanford. Though winless in their three games before Locker's injury, the Huskies played both BYU and Oklahoma, and the BYU game was the infamous Jake Locker-penalized-for-being-excited-game. Since then, additions to the loss column still follow after every Husky contest, but they no longer compete, often getting blown out of the stadium before halftime has even reached.